saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
