I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
