I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
