White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
