Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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