She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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