He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
