Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
