We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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