There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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