I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize