last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
