For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
