lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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