Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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