I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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