jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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