My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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