You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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