the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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