I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
