how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
