I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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