And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
