no, he came in my armpit
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
