Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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