How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize