hotel room ftw
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
