god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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