Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
