I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
