god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
