throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
