MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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