I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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