I can text with my tongue
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
