Kiss
Puke
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
