You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
