What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
