we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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