3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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