Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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