there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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