she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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