2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
