I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
