Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize