I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
