I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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