ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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