if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
