WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
