I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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