I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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