Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
