ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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