i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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