even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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