i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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