After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
