I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
