they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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