Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
