We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
