i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
youre lurking in front of me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
