Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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