nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had sex on a roof
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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