This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
