craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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