Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
