I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
