called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
