I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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