Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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