recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
