garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
